Abstract
Luxury has long been synonymous with seamless indulgence — anticipating every need before it’s voiced, removing every friction, perfecting every detail. But what if the very thing we’ve been perfecting is starting to lose its power?
Across hospitality and beyond, a quiet shift is underway. In an age where flawless comfort has become standardized, the deepest loyalty no longer comes from pampering — it comes from meaning. And meaning often begins at the edges of comfort.
Drawing on insights from psychology, sociology, and business design, this article explores how calibrated, safe discomfort can create identity-shaping experiences that customers retell for years. From flow theory to the EPIC framework to cultivating serendipity and belonging, it reveals why the future of luxury lies not in removing obstacles, but in designing them thoughtfully.
Because transformation doesn’t happen in the familiar. It happens when guests step into the unfamiliar — and brands that dare to guide them there will lead the way.
Keywords
Luxury hospitality · Experiential design · Transformative experiences · Customer loyalty · Flow theory · EPIC framework · Calibrated discomfort
For decades, luxury has been synonymous with ease, indulgence, and being pampered. Yet today’s travellers are searching for more than comfort — they crave transformation. Could curated discomfort be the new cornerstone of luxury, and the path to deeper, more meaningful experiences?
1. The Paradox of Experience
What do you give a customer who already has everything?
Luxury and hospitality brands have long excelled at anticipation and indulgence: private dinners with Michelin-starred chefs, champagne balloon flights at dawn, surprise meet-and-greets with artists or athletes, or exclusive retreats where every whim — from chauffeur to strawberries — is perfectly curated. These gestures still enchant. Yet, for ultra-high-net-worth customers, pampering has its limits.
Here lies the paradox: the deepest emotional bonds with a brand are rarely forged in perfect comfort. They’re born in surprise, insight, vulnerability, and—even—discomfort.
Two decades ago, B. Joseph Pine II and James Gilmore transformed business thinking with The Experience Economy (1999), showing how value evolved from products, to services, to staged experiences. Today, Pine argues we’ve entered the Transformation Economy (Pine, 2023), where brands no longer sell objects or memories — they guide customers through identity-shaping change.
Transformation goes beyond self-actualization; it moves into self-transcendence. It’s no longer about what customers consume, but about who they become. As Pine suggests, in this new economy, the customer becomes the product.
And yet, this idea introduces an uncomfortable truth: meaningful transformation rarely happens without discomfort. This is counterintuitive in luxury, where seamlessness and perfection have long been the hallmarks of value. Some may even dismiss discomfort as incompatible with hospitality. But this tension is exactly where the opportunity lies. In a world where indulgence has become standardized, the brands that dare to design calibrated, safe, and purposeful discomfort will create experiences that resonate most deeply. I believe this will become one of the most powerful differentiators in the future of experience design — in luxury, and beyond.
2. Designing Transformative Experiences
So how do we actually design transformative experiences? How do we move beyond pampering to create moments that stay with customers for years, shaping not only their memories but also their identities?
Research across psychology, sociology, and business design points to four interwoven dimensions:
- Understanding and leveraging the theory of flow — where calibrated discomfort sparks growth.
- Creating peak moments using the EPIC framework — Elevation, Pride, Insight, and Connection.
- Listening deeper to uncover values, aspirations, and personal stories — the emotional anchors of meaning.
- Designing for collective belonging — enabling shared transformation and synchronicity.
Together, these principles help us shift from delivering perfect service to creating identity-shaping experiences.
2.1. Flow and the Sweet Spot of Transformation
Psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi (1990) describes flow as an optimal state of deep engagement when challenge and skill are perfectly balanced. Too little challenge creates boredom; too much creates anxiety. In this state, time stretches or disappears; self-consciousness fades; and focus sharpens until the moment feels complete. But flow rarely happens in comfort zones. It emerges in the sweet spot — the space between boredom and anxiety — where we are stretched just enough to feel alive, while safety and guidance keep us anchored.
In hospitality, flow is cultivated when guests become participants rather than spectators. Imagine shaping clay with a master potter, co-creating a dish alongside a Michelin-starred chef, or learning freediving techniques under expert supervision on a secluded reef. These experiences invite guests into a calibrated challenge: safe yet stretching, supported yet empowering.
Designing for flow means intentionally weaving purposeful discomfort into experiences. Not discomfort for its own sake, but the kind that nudges customers gently beyond their limits — where transformation begins.
2.2. Designing Peak Moments: The EPIC Framework
Yet flow alone doesn’t explain why some experiences remain etched in memory while others fade. Chip and Dan Heath (2017) describe these as peak moments — extraordinary, identity-shaping highlights often called “wow moments.” Their EPIC framework identifies four essential elements: Elevation, Pride, Insight, and Connection.
Elevation occurs when an experience rises above the ordinary, flooding the senses and evoking awe and surprise. Imagine stepping into a private hot-air balloon at dawn, the valley still wrapped in mist. As the sun climbs, the world turns gold beneath you, and strawberries and champagne await on a hidden ridge. Elevation engages the senses — sight, sound, touch, and taste — leaving customers suspended in something rare and unforgettable.
Pride emerges when customers surprise themselves with what they can achieve. This might come from learning to surf on rolling turquoise waves, completing a high-altitude hike in the Alps, or mastering a delicate craft alongside an artisan. Pride is also born from overcoming fears: crossing a narrow suspension bridge despite a fear of heights, trying scuba diving for the first time, or speaking a few hesitant words in a new language. These moments linger because they redefine our sense of what we’re capable of.
Insight arises when an experience sparks an “aha moment”, shifting how we see ourselves or the world. It might be realizing your resilience while navigating a remote wilderness, finding unexpected stillness during a silent retreat, or sharing a heartfelt story with a local host who changes how you view their culture. Insights create transformation because they illuminate parts of us we didn’t know were there.
Connection deepens the power of all these moments. Whether it’s bonding with loved ones, laughing late into the night with strangers, or feeling a profound sense of intimacy with a place itself, connection roots experiences in emotion. It turns memories into narratives we carry forward — stories we share again and again.
Brands aiming to design for EPIC moments must move beyond seamless service. Predictability dulls awe. Pampering blunts pride. Frictionless comfort rarely triggers insight. To create transformation, we need thoughtfully designed friction: challenges, surprises, and emotions, carefully scaffolded to make customers feel stretched yet secure.
2.3. Listening Deeper: Values, Emotions, and Aspirations
Behind every transformative experience lies something less visible but profoundly powerful: values. As Brené Brown explains in Dare to Lead (2018), our values act as a compass. They orient us toward what matters most and shape how we find meaning in life. When brands design experiences aligned with a customer’s values, they connect not just with preferences, but with identity.
Emotions, too, are vital clues. As Susan David (2016) writes in Emotional Agility, emotions are “signposts” — they point us toward what we care about. Excitement reveals desires. Frustration signals boundaries. Fear shows where growth lies. By listening closely to both values and emotions, brands can craft experiences that resonate on a much deeper level.
But here’s the challenge: customers don’t always articulate these things directly. Most people won’t walk into a resort and announce, “I’m looking for belonging, awe, and a chance to overcome fear.” These insights emerge through gentle, non-intrusive conversations — spaces where customers feel seen, not surveyed.
Rather than asking what would make a trip “unforgettable” or what story they’d want to tell later, brands can invite reflection around meaning, aspirations, and fears. For example:
- “What experiences in the past made you feel most alive?”
- “Which moments have made you feel proud of yourself?”
- “Is there something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?”
- “What do you wish you had more of in your life right now — rest, challenge, creativity, connection?”
- “What do you hope to feel when you return home from this journey?”
These aren’t interviews; they’re conversations. The tone matters: curiosity without pressure, openness without assumption.
For some customers, it might mean revealing fears they want to confront, like overcoming a hesitation about scuba diving or public speaking. For others, it could be sharing aspirations: learning a new skill, reconnecting with their creativity, or deepening bonds with loved ones. And for others still, it might mean simply seeking stillness or reflection amid busy lives.
By listening carefully to these stories and aspirations, brands uncover not just what customers want to do, but why they want to do it. That “why” becomes the foundation for crafting experiences that feel deeply personal and meaningful. When brands do this well, guests leave not only with memories — they leave with stories that become part of who they are.
While values and aspirations shape individual transformation, some of the most powerful experiences unfold collectively, where belonging amplifies meaning.
2.4. Collective Experiences and Belonging
While transformation can happen individually, some of the most powerful moments occur together. When flow is shared, immersion multiplies, creating group flow — an intense synchrony where energy builds collectively.
Sociologist Émile Durkheim (1912/1995) called this collective effervescence: moments when individuality dissolves into a shared “we”, and participants feel part of something larger than themselves.
Imagine a football stadium after a decisive goal: tens of thousands of strangers singing and dancing together, voices blending in celebration. That raw sense of unity explains why, in hospitality, designing opportunities for shared emotional peaks can be transformative.
Consider a fireside circle at a mountain retreat, where guests sing with strangers who quickly become friends. Or picture standing beneath the Northern Lights on a frozen lake, surrounded by silent travellers who feel, in that instant, like kin. Or stumbling upon a village festival where locals pull you into the dance, until laughter and music blur the boundaries between host and guest.
These are more than beautiful experiences. They are identity-shaping because they forge belonging and create shared narratives.
Brands can design for collective effervescence by curating synchrony, ritual, and openness. Shared meals, co-creation workshops, chef’s tables, small-group adventures that build community. When done thoughtfully, these shared moments don’t just transform individuals — they create collective narratives customers carry home.
Whether individual or shared, these transformative moments share one common thread: they happen at the edges of comfort, in spaces where the familiar gives way to the unfamiliar.
3. Embracing the Unfamiliar: Discomfort as the New Luxury
For centuries, travel has carried one timeless promise: to step outside the familiar and into the unfamiliar. Transformation has always been tied to that threshold — the moment when we leave behind what we know and immerse ourselves in what we do not.
Yet in today’s hospitality landscape, comfort has become effortless. Luxury brands have perfected seamless indulgence, anticipating every preference before customers voice it. While this creates satisfaction, it rarely creates lasting transformation. Paradoxically, what many high-value customers now crave is not more pampering but meaning — and meaning often hides just beyond the edges of comfort.
Consider the story of an American CEO who, together with his teenage son, embarked on a wilderness immersion in the French Pyrenees. Dropped deep in the forest with only a knife and a bottle of water, they had to navigate several days to reach a meeting point. There were no assistants, no Wi-Fi, and no curated comforts — just resourcefulness, teamwork, and trust.
Years later, when asked about his most memorable “luxury” experience, he didn’t mention a villa, a tasting menu, or a private yacht. He spoke about that forest: the pride, the vulnerability, the story he still retells. As Ryan Holiday (2014) writes, “the obstacle is the way.” When designed thoughtfully, discomfort becomes the path to deeper meaning.
This doesn’t mean chaos or risk. Discomfort can — and should — be calibrated. Drawing on Mihály Csíkszentmihályi’s (1990) concept of flow, transformation emerges in the sweet spot where challenge stretches us just enough to feel alive, yet expert guidance and safety keep us grounded.
Even serendipity, those moments that feel unplanned and magical, can be nurtured deliberately. As Christian Busch (2020) explains in The Serendipity Mindset, brands can cultivate serendipity by shaping the environment around the experience: creating white space in itineraries, designing intimate group settings, and empowering staff as human connectors. These strategies set the stage for discovery without scripting it — giving guests the freedom to find their own meaning.
For brands, the shift also demands rethinking measurement. Traditional tools like the Net Promoter Score (NPS) — which asks whether customers would recommend a brand — remain useful but incomplete. They don’t capture identity shifts, which sit at the heart of transformative design. To understand impact more fully, brands should measure:
- Memory salience: the stories guests continue to retell months or even years later.
- Identity markers: statements like “Because of this, I …” that reveal deeper change.
- Behavioural signals: repeat participation, referrals, and active engagement with curated communities.
These indicators reflect transformation, not just satisfaction. They reveal whether an experience truly became part of a customer’s identity — which is ultimately the goal of meaningful design.
Conclusion
At its roots, hospitality exists because of tourism. Hotels, restaurants, and the entire infrastructure of service were built to support a more ancient impulse: our desire to move, to seek, to step beyond the boundaries of what we know. People don’t build luxury resorts in the middle of nowhere without reason; they are drawn to a mountain, a waterfall, a pyramid, a city — to places that promise something new.
Tourism, at its essence, has always been about crossing the threshold between the familiar and the unfamiliar. It’s not the same as travel for its own sake. You can travel five times a week to the same office, but there is no transformation there. Tourism begins when you leave the well-known behind, when you face the unexpected — when you choose discovery over routine.
If we transpose this truth into hospitality and luxury today, the implication is clear: brands exist not just to provide comfort, but to serve as gateways into the unfamiliar. Yet, as seamless service and curated indulgence have become standardized, some brands risk forgetting this origin. True transformation doesn’t happen in the familiar. It happens at the edges — in awe, in curiosity, in moments where we stretch beyond what we know.
This is why the future belongs to the brands that dare to design calibrated, safe discomfort. When they embrace the unfamiliar — while holding guests in trust — they return to hospitality’s deepest purpose: creating experiences that change not just where customers go, but who they become.
Because loyalty isn’t built on what customers own. It’s built on who they become when they’re with you.
References
- Busch, C. (2020). The serendipity mindset: The art and science of creating good luck. Riverhead Books.
- Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. Random House.
- Csíkszentmihályi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper & Row.
- David, S. (2016). Emotional agility: Get unstuck, embrace change, and thrive in work and life. Avery.
- Durkheim, É. (1995). The elementary forms of religious life (K. E. Fields, Trans.). Free Press. (Original work published 1912).
- Heath, C., & Heath, D. (2017). The power of moments: Why certain experiences have extraordinary impact. Simon & Schuster.
- Holiday, R. (2014). The obstacle is the way: The timeless art of turning trials into triumph. Portfolio.
- Pine, B. J., & Gilmore, J. H. (1999). The experience economy: Work is theatre & every business a stage. Harvard Business Review Press.
- Pine, B. J. (2023). The transformation economy. Strategic Horizons LLP.
Dr. Andreea Antonescu
Visiting Professor, Les Roches Global Hospitality Education (Crans-Montana, Switzerland)
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